Becoming aware of Myself

It is true there are some elements about ourselves that we are not aware of and some we will never be aware of them.

A human being is a complex being but still capable of anything.You cannot define a human being and say this person is like this or is not like this.When you take me and put me in a room full of my cousins,I am quite,put me in a place full of my friends and I am the most talkative.I think a person is best defined by the circumstances they are in.You will never know how gentle I am or rude I am unless a situation arises which calls for that part of me.Today I can be nice,because everything around me is ok.And tomorrow if something happens that triggers some other emotions in me I can choose to remain calm and still be nice or decide to show off my other side also.

This week I learnt something about myself.I am more fragile than I think.I can deal very well with pressure at work but personal stuff…hhhhhhmmm not so much,I am still to learn a lot about myself.I feel like a cave deep in the Tsodilo hills yet to be discovered.I sometimes ignore some things about myself that are actually important  and could help me be a better person.I have learnt that I need to be more aware of myself and take it down with the judging of my behaviors and focus on knowing why I am behaving the way I do.

Two of my best friends last year did something and did not tell me after it had happened a few months later and when I asked them why they waited so long to tell me they said because I am strict…what?me?ao..nna..kae tota?I had no idea what they were talking about till this week.I did not realise I have this high standards in my life I hold.Some I am aware of consciously, some I am not.I realised that I do not expect myself to be weak.I despise weakness and I will do anything to not show any sign of weakness.I showed weakness this week and I almost went into a bit of depression as a result of judging myself as to why I allowed myself to show that weakness.I was so hard on myself.After a few hours and talking to a few friends I realised that indeed I am strict on myself.I have easy tears.I cry easily especially when under pressure emotionally.When I feel overwhelmed I cry easily.And I used to take that as a sign of weakness but this week I realised I am human.

So I have concluded that I need to be more aware of myself and loosen up a bit on this strictness.I am after all human.I am allowed to flip and loose it sometimes and get angry or beat up someone(if it goes to that extent),I am allowed to fail and allowed to cry.Some days you might feel like Silby and her 16 personalities and sometimes you just feel fine.One thing to always remember is that I am Human.Its allowed.

How many times do we beat up ourselves for failing?You beat up yourself when you want to diet and go to eating fries.We do that all the time.Even when we know we have not done the necessary practice needed to accomplish something we still beat up ourselves.I am done with that.I take every failure as a learning curve.Sometimes we will never learn till we fail.I am human after all.

Give yourself some love.

Happy weekend.

#Rise Above

Its Monday again..be on the lookout!

I am not complaining that its a Monday.Mondays are good.Time to finish off where I left on Friday at 12 noon when I dodged from work.And your boss comes in and starts shouting at how you are not serious and all that which bosses like saying to make us feel weak and useless on Mondays.

So today and the rest of this week open your eyes and look-out for people who have problems dealing with their emotions.Some may be facing serious family issues like a family member who is dying or maybe a child who is just reaching puberty and start behaving like they are 25 years old.So they are sort of near their breaking point and you might become a victim.I also face those days where I just wanna break and anyone who says 1 negative word to me will wish they had not said it coz i will give it to them (not proud that I break on people sometimes but its the truth) -still working on myself on that one.

They will be looking for the weak and if you do anything and sometimes it may not be you, they will take out their stress on you.Best thing to do is not to be defensive,listen to them,smile and walk away.By arguing with them you are just helping fuel their inability to deal with their emotions so if you want to help,don’t say anything.Maybe you can come back tomorrow or Wednesday and explain that it was not you.

Some people are handicapped emotionally.Lets show them love this week.And also pray for such a person. Don’t gossip about them.Ladies..stop gossiping about such people,you are not being helpful if you do that.

So have a beautiful week.And open your eyes and mind.

#Rise Above

Artists whose music usually calms my nerves(Asa,Ayo,Lira,Unathi,India Arie)